SUPERJOANNE

On random nights like this, I end up over-analyzing my life.

I feel like I have developed a very loose grasp on my dreams - like anytime, they could fly away and I'd never be able to touch them again. I do not have concrete plans in my life. I always say that I'm carefree and I don't want things planned but deep inside, I really want to anticipate what's gonna happen.

I remember as a child, I would write the things I want to do when I grow up. These include things such as being the president,  going to outer space, being a teacher, doctor, or engineer, a famous star and someone the people would always remember. I want to leave an impact. I want to leave a legacy. I was very idealistic.

And then time went by. Slowly, those dreams I wrote on that piece of paper started walking away. No. Actually, I think it was I who let these dreams go.

I'm not saying that being realistic is bad. It isn't. It made me more resourceful and open-minded, but at the same time it pulled me to settling for what's practical based on the realities I perceive.

Those dreams I wrote on that piece of paper, they aren't part of the reality I'm talking about.

I miss the eight-year-old Joanne. Please come back and punch me in the face.